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Stardate:        91179.39

Sol III Date:    07/29/2013/09:15

In Germany, Gunther Burpus remained wedged in his front-door cat flap for two days because passers-by thought he was a piece of installation art. Mr Burpus, 41, of Bremen, was using the flap because he had mislaid his keys. Unfortunately he was spotted by a group of student pranksters who removed his trousers and pants, painted his bottom bright blue, stuck a daffodil between his buttocks and erected a sign saying 'Germany Resurgent, an Essay in Street Art. Please give Generously'. Passers-by assumed Mr Burpus' screams were part of the act and it was only when an old woman complained to the police that he was finally freed. "I kept calling for help," he said, "but people just said 'Very good! Very clever!' and threw coins at me."

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Stardate:        91178.22

Sol III Date:    07/28/2013/23:00

                       

                        Death

What is life?

It is the flash of a firefly in the night.

It is the breath of a buffalo in winter time.

It is the little shadow which runs across the grass

And loses itself in the Sunset.

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Stardate:        91129.03

Sol III Date:    07/10/2013/23:30

I love to read. So much so that there isn't room in the bedroom for a bed because of the space taken up by bookshelves. I have a futon that is always in couch form, never out in bed form. 

When I saw this I just had to share.

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Stardate:        91120.37

Sol III Date:    07/07/2013/19:30

Have you seen the new commercial for Lepage’s 100% glue?

Watching the commercial I found myself wondering: “if Lepage’s new product is 100% glue, what were Lepage’s using before they switched to 100% Glue??? Snot?”  

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Stardate:        91117.83

Sol III Date:    06/07/2013/21:12

Things NOT to say at a Job Interview

• I’m sorry I’m yawning. I usually sleep until my soap operas are on.
• Do you know of any companies where I could get a job I would like better than this one?
• What job am I applying for?
• What is it you people do at this company anyway?
• Why aren’t you in a more interesting business.
• I would have been more successful if nobvo9dy would have snitched on me.
• My resume might make me look like I’m a job hopper. But IO want you to know I never left any of those jobs voluntarily.
• What are the Zodiac signs of the board members?
• Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?
• Would it be a problem is I’m angry most of the time?
• Will the company pay to relocate my horse?
• I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.
• At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.
• I feel uneasy indoors.
• I am fascinated by fire.
• Will anyone notice if I come in late and leave early?
• What does the company consider a good absenteeism rate?
• The job description mentions weekend work. Are you serious?
• Will my office be near an ice machine?
• How many warnings do you get before you are fired.
• My legs are really hairy.
• I never get hungry.
• I had haemorrhoids from sitting at the desk all day, but I found that taking a walk after lunch really helped me.
• How do you define Sexual Harassment?
• Why do you want the job? I’m here for a paycheque. Isn’t everybody?
• Where do you see yourself in five years? How am I suppose to know? Isn’t that your job?
• I think I'm going to throw up.

Post Script: We wish to thank the Breckenridge Zone for allowing the use of, and putting a different spin on, its new product. “How to ensure you blow the Job Interview”.

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Stardate:        91114.11

Sol III Date:    05/07/2013/12:35

The missionary was hiking through the dark mysterious jungle when he heard a padding behind him and realized he was being followed by a lion.

Realizing that he could not escape he knelt down on his knees with his eyes closed, to pray. As nothing happened, he opened his eyes and there was the lion with his paws clasped, prying beside him.

Said the missionary to the lion: “Isn’t it wonderful to find someone of your faith in the middle of the jungle? It’s nice to see you praying.”

Said the lion: “Shut up, I’m trying to say Grace.”