Let slip the dogs of Reason

Stardate:        91032.89

Sol III Date:  05/06/2013/20:13

There is a commercial that starts out with a guy using a cotton swab to clean his ear and screaming in pain when he jabs it into his ear drum.

Then we are told that it is not recommended that cotton swabs be used to clean ears, a warning the manufacturers of cotton swaps have been forced to put on packages of cotton swabs to protect themselves from lawsuits from those who lack the cognitive capacity to use a cotton swab to clean their ears without taking out their eardrum.

The commercial then offers as the solution the marvellous ear vacuum to vacuum out dirt and wax. The commercial also states that instead of pounding on your head to get water out of your ears, you can simply vacuum the water out. I can see dirt – although I have never found dirt and debris to be a problem in my ears – and water, but wax?

It is my experience that the reason it is called wax is it resemblance to various types of wax – all rather sticky substances. Just how strong does the suction need to be to pull ear wax off the walls of your ears and into the ear vacuum?

I wonder how long it will be before the first lawsuit over someone vacuuming out their eardrum is filed?

If you are too dumb to be able to use a cotton swab safely, you are way to short of cognitive capacity to be sticking a vacuum in your ears.