30 December 2013

I am not sure whether I should be amused or saddened watching as Ian Hanomansing and so many other broadcasters end reports on the ice storm that hit Toronto, and elsewhere in eastern Canada with the information that those needing to access warming centers can find links to the location of warming centers on the broadcaster’s website.

A week after the storms hit and thousands of people are still without electricity, cold and needing to find a place to warm up.

Of course without power those still shivering in the dark can neither watch television nor access the internet.

Still I suppose that it is the thought – or lack of thought – that is the important point.

Stardate:        91322.46

Sol III Date:    09/19/2013/16:13

Life - the next day.

As I hoped, city council’s behaviour proved an excellent distracting activity and permitted my brain to slow down and stop turning remote possibilities into ‘going to happen’ disasters. When my brain slowed down and I found myself nodding off over the keyboard I went straight to bed and sleep.

I got up and headed out ready to deal, but the $500 was there as per arrangement.

 We stopped at B & W at Whatcom Road to get the paperwork done and with papers and plates in hand headed off to Chilliwack to pick up the car.

Washed off the windows so I could see to drive, inflated the flat tire (the car tires are new), jump started the car, put on the plates and headed back to Abbotsford.

It was a stick shift but as I told my friend I am fine with that as it saves gas, helps me avoid speeding and I prefer a stick shift.

The Cougar always felt like I was driving a tank, manoeuvring a huge contain ship, so driving had become more of chore than a pleasure or just plain fun. The ZX2 puts fun back in getting from point A to point B

.

We get back to Abbotsford and check to make sure the batter recharged enough to start the vehicle.

Nothing. Jumped it, disconnected the battery and the car kept running so the alternator was working. It looks like it needs a new battery.......and what other problems my mind says.

Turn out (hopefully) it was the Universe  exercising it’s sense of humour on me.

My friend Ken was there when we stopped and said use this, an instrument that you can use to check the alternator and battery. As we were checking out the alternator we found that depending on where you touched it to the battery the alternator was barely working, working OK or pumping out lots of juice.

So we set off to Canadian Tire to replace the battery connection and lacking tools headed down to my friend toms place and his amazing sets of tools.

Going to leave we took advantage of the slight slope of the driveway to get the car rolling and pop the clutch – started like a charm.

So I took it for a run on the highway on my way home and this morning (Thursday) nada.

Pulled the battery out of the Cougar, put it on the floor on the passenger side as my jumper cables will reach from there to the car battery. It starts and runs beautifully.

I have promised to have the Cougar off the lawn tomorrow (Friday) so I will have to find someone to give me a ride back from Captain Crunch as I have to bring the battery back to start the zx2.

Or find someone who picks up the vehicle. Hmmm.

The gentleman who sold me the car is determined to get the battery straightened out and worrying about whether the alternator should be changed as well.

Leaving me working on being Zen about, a minor irritation that will be dealt with. Ommmmmm.

Stardate:        91318.16

Sol III Date:    09/18/2013/02:30

Tires, brakes, shocks, drivers door (I have to climb in from the passenger side because you can only close the drivers door from the outside), electrical (there is a short in some well out of easy to find so the windows don’t work,  nor do the turn signals = expensive).

I have found a car......well, truthfully some has found a 2001 ford escort 2XZ 4 cylinders, 5 speed stick, air cared negotiated the price down to $500 that runs nicely.

Has pretty new tires and was taken in to be reset so it would pass air care. Dirty, even by my fairly elastic standards, which may be why it is available.

Set it up to do the paper work (buy it) tomorrow (Wednesday) afternoon – I am not a ‘car’ person but am old enough to admit it and listen to those who know their way around a vehicle.

The numbers (cost of work the Cougar needs + the significant $$$$ I will save on gas costs) say that unless the car dies after I drive it out of the current owners driveway I am ahead of the game. The way the Cougar guzzles gas the payback on gas savings alone is 6 months or less.

As always nervous about what is a massive expenditure on my budget and something were I have to trust someone else’s judgment.

Ramping up the nervous is that the person I had arranged over last weekend to lend me the $500 hasn’t returned the call i made at 5 PM. Not returning calls quickly is very unusual for him so my mind keeps trying to catastrophize. – Pardon me for a minute I need to step outside and SCREAM!!!!!!!!! – how do you spell relief? Scream.

The numbers say do it. The person recommending it knows cars. If necessary I can find the $500 elsewhere. My reputation on repayment may even let me still do the paper work tomorrow even if I needed an extra day or tow for raise $500....... ...................................................................................................................................................................................................

..........my tummy is still nervous, my head is still tryi8ng to run catastrophic scenarios and with my brain cells trying to melt down I have the beginning of a splitting headache.

It is at times like this that I appreciate the ineptness of Abbotsford City Council, especially vis-à-vis the homeless.

With several article/commentary ideas in my head on how good an idea/proposal Abbotsford Community Services 20 units of Housing First/first stage housing is, I should be able to distract my brain enough to mellow out enough to lie down quietly which will send me off to the land of nod in less than 5 minutes.

Granting me sleep to deal with tomorrow; should there prove to be anything to deal with.

!

Stardate:        91179.39

Sol III Date:    07/29/2013/09:15

In Germany, Gunther Burpus remained wedged in his front-door cat flap for two days because passers-by thought he was a piece of installation art. Mr Burpus, 41, of Bremen, was using the flap because he had mislaid his keys. Unfortunately he was spotted by a group of student pranksters who removed his trousers and pants, painted his bottom bright blue, stuck a daffodil between his buttocks and erected a sign saying 'Germany Resurgent, an Essay in Street Art. Please give Generously'. Passers-by assumed Mr Burpus' screams were part of the act and it was only when an old woman complained to the police that he was finally freed. "I kept calling for help," he said, "but people just said 'Very good! Very clever!' and threw coins at me."

!

Stardate:        91178.22

Sol III Date:    07/28/2013/23:00

                       

                        Death

What is life?

It is the flash of a firefly in the night.

It is the breath of a buffalo in winter time.

It is the little shadow which runs across the grass

And loses itself in the Sunset.

!

Stardate:        91129.03

Sol III Date:    07/10/2013/23:30

I love to read. So much so that there isn't room in the bedroom for a bed because of the space taken up by bookshelves. I have a futon that is always in couch form, never out in bed form. 

When I saw this I just had to share.

!

Stardate:        91120.37

Sol III Date:    07/07/2013/19:30

Have you seen the new commercial for Lepage’s 100% glue?

Watching the commercial I found myself wondering: “if Lepage’s new product is 100% glue, what were Lepage’s using before they switched to 100% Glue??? Snot?”  

!

Stardate:        91117.83

Sol III Date:    06/07/2013/21:12

Things NOT to say at a Job Interview

• I’m sorry I’m yawning. I usually sleep until my soap operas are on.
• Do you know of any companies where I could get a job I would like better than this one?
• What job am I applying for?
• What is it you people do at this company anyway?
• Why aren’t you in a more interesting business.
• I would have been more successful if nobvo9dy would have snitched on me.
• My resume might make me look like I’m a job hopper. But IO want you to know I never left any of those jobs voluntarily.
• What are the Zodiac signs of the board members?
• Will the company move my rock collection from California to Maryland?
• Would it be a problem is I’m angry most of the time?
• Will the company pay to relocate my horse?
• I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.
• At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.
• I feel uneasy indoors.
• I am fascinated by fire.
• Will anyone notice if I come in late and leave early?
• What does the company consider a good absenteeism rate?
• The job description mentions weekend work. Are you serious?
• Will my office be near an ice machine?
• How many warnings do you get before you are fired.
• My legs are really hairy.
• I never get hungry.
• I had haemorrhoids from sitting at the desk all day, but I found that taking a walk after lunch really helped me.
• How do you define Sexual Harassment?
• Why do you want the job? I’m here for a paycheque. Isn’t everybody?
• Where do you see yourself in five years? How am I suppose to know? Isn’t that your job?
• I think I'm going to throw up.

Post Script: We wish to thank the Breckenridge Zone for allowing the use of, and putting a different spin on, its new product. “How to ensure you blow the Job Interview”.

.

Stardate:        91114.11

Sol III Date:    05/07/2013/12:35

The missionary was hiking through the dark mysterious jungle when he heard a padding behind him and realized he was being followed by a lion.

Realizing that he could not escape he knelt down on his knees with his eyes closed, to pray. As nothing happened, he opened his eyes and there was the lion with his paws clasped, prying beside him.

Said the missionary to the lion: “Isn’t it wonderful to find someone of your faith in the middle of the jungle? It’s nice to see you praying.”

Said the lion: “Shut up, I’m trying to say Grace.”

Stardate:        91085.26

Sol III Date:    24/06/2013/23:30

One moment is seemed like there would be a game 7... 

......and then Boston Vancouver’d and Chicago are the Stanley Cup Champions.

Talk about a Vancouver moment.

Welcome to Next Year Territory Boston Fans.

Stardate:        91062.77

Sol III Date:    16/06/201318:15

What kind of Health Care......

Can someone explain how Fraser Health could possible state that having chicken waste tracked around Abbotsford by several hundred people is not a hazard to people’s health?

Can anyone think of any animal waste that could be dumped that would pose more of a hazard to the health of Abbotsford’s citizens as it was tracked around Abbotsford?

The location where the City of Abbotsford dumped its bio-hazardous material is part of a major thoroughfare for those traveling on foot, as a result you have 100 – 200 sets of feet a day that passed through the chicken waste and tracked the bio-hazard around Abbotsford.

Yet when questioned about the hazard to public health posed by the actions of the City of Abbotsford, Fraser Health considered/stated there was nothing to be concerned about.

???

Stardate:        91056.93

Sol III Date:    14/06/2013/23:50

t

Jay Leno had video of a high school graduation ceremony that was being held in a football stadium, a location that offers lots of room, fresh air and plenty of seating.

The graduates entered through the endzone and marched out to the stage at center field.

The young woman second in line was wearing high heels and stepping onto the grass stumbled, staggered and fell; got up stumbled, staggered and fell; got up stumbled, staggered and fell; got up stumbled, staggered and fell; got up stumbled, staggered and fell; got up stumbled, staggered and fell.

The gap between the person leading the line onto the grass of the football field, the young woman and the rest of the graduates in line behind the young woman continued to grow as the young woman continued to stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up; stumble, stagger, fall and get up.........

The Question that occurred to me was:

How did she ever manage to graduate High School when she lacked the cognitive ability to conclude after the second [third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, twelfth......] that, for her, high heels and the grassy surface of the playing field were non-compatible and that she needed to remove her high heeled shoes? 

Stardate:        91049.72

Sol III Date:  11/06/2013/23:45

Watching the reports on television about the dog who lost his snout protecting his owner’s nieces from being hit by a motorcycle, the money raised to send him from the Philippines to America for treatment and the hero’s welcome received upon return to the Philippines puts a quite different spin on the old adage ‘wouldn't treat a dog that way’.

In light of the City of Abbotsford’s war on the homeless and the deployment by the City of Abbotsford of the biological weapon chicken sh*t against the homeless........

.........one is left with the damning but inescapable reality that the homeless would be better off if they were treated like dogs.

Stardate:        91041.31

Sol III Date:  08/06/2013/22:02

On the matter of assumptions I offer for your consideration:

Thrifty:        practicing economy or economical management; frugal: a thrifty shopper

Thrift Store:   a retail store that sells secondhand goods at reduced prices.

We assume that shopping at thrift stores is frugal; after all they are thrift stores, how can a Thrift Store not be a frugal place to shop”

Caveat emptor: let the buyer beware:

Sometimes Thrift Stores are not very thrifty places to shop.

“The least questioned assumptions are often the most questionable.” 

Paul Broca

Stardate:        91032.89

Sol III Date:  05/06/2013/20:13

There is a commercial that starts out with a guy using a cotton swab to clean his ear and screaming in pain when he jabs it into his ear drum.

Then we are told that it is not recommended that cotton swabs be used to clean ears, a warning the manufacturers of cotton swaps have been forced to put on packages of cotton swabs to protect themselves from lawsuits from those who lack the cognitive capacity to use a cotton swab to clean their ears without taking out their eardrum.

The commercial then offers as the solution the marvellous ear vacuum to vacuum out dirt and wax. The commercial also states that instead of pounding on your head to get water out of your ears, you can simply vacuum the water out. I can see dirt – although I have never found dirt and debris to be a problem in my ears – and water, but wax?

It is my experience that the reason it is called wax is it resemblance to various types of wax – all rather sticky substances. Just how strong does the suction need to be to pull ear wax off the walls of your ears and into the ear vacuum?

I wonder how long it will be before the first lawsuit over someone vacuuming out their eardrum is filed?

If you are too dumb to be able to use a cotton swab safely, you are way to short of cognitive capacity to be sticking a vacuum in your ears.

Stardate:        91027.37

Sol III Date:  03/06/2013/19:44

From the People are Strange Files

Someone was looking for underwear but all I had was a few pairs of gently used and well laundered underwear.

An offer that was declined speedily and with a facial expression that seemed to pose the question – “Are you nuts?”

Share needles, share a crack pipe, have unprotected sex...

But wear underwear that someone else has worn?

NEVER!!!!

People are So Strange.

Stardate:        91024.61

Sol III Date:  02/06/2013/19:30

What is the Question?

What is the Answer?

This image comes from a classic Science Fiction movie based on a classic Science Fiction novel.

What was the name of the movie? What is the name of the novel?

Stardate:        91022.34

Sol III Date:  01/06/2013/23:35

It was just one more obvious question going unasked, one more vital piece of information not provided, in a long and growing list of the media’s fumbling failures to provide the information viewers need to make sound decisions.

I am referring to the 2 min.24 sec. long report “Family outraged that Cranbrook killer gets new trial” that aired May 31 2013. A report that had repeated comments about how upset people were with the new trial and during which it was mentioned several times a new trial had been order by the Court of Appeal.

Unfortunately the report failed to mention WHY the Court of Appeal had ordered a new trial. If one wanted to know WHY, one had to look elsewhere for the answer to WHY?

The report was successful as a piece of video art, doing a good job of inciting disgust with the Court of Appeal and our legal system.

On the other hand the report was a failure as a news piece since it failed, as so many media reports do, to provide the information to arrive at a fact based evaluation.

But then, why let facts get in the way of good theatre?

Stardate:        91019.48

Sol III Date:   31/05/2013/1212.30

If you own a car wash, is paying someone to perform a rain danced a tax deductable expense? What if it doesn’t rain? Or is it a tax deduction only if it rains?

What is the key to success?

Hire the right employees.

How do you know you hired the right employees?

You know because the business is successful.

So the key to success is circular reasoning?

Yes, because circular reasoning is the key.

 “Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”

 Charles Bukowski

Stardate:        91016.26

 

Sol III Date:   30/05/2013/18:17

Watching one of the media’s final [pseudo] news telecasts of the day I heard it stated that the actions of Harper’s ex-chief of staff Nigel Wright, vis-à-vis Mr. Duffy, were “not in the best interests of Canadians.”

Whatever else you might argue about the actions of Nigel Wright and “the best interests of Canadians,” Mr. Wrights action’s have returned $90,000 to Canadian taxpayers.

Which would certainly seem ‘in the best interest’ of Canadians to me?

Stardate:        91013.8

 

Sol III Date:   29/05/2013/20:41

This is a paper towel dispenser that provides paper towels to dry one’s hands after washing said hands.

Unlike toilet paper the direction the roll of paper towel faces, in or out, is important. If the roll of paper towel is inserted facing the wrong way the paper towel feed jams and the paper towel dispenser has to be opened and the jam cleared. If the roll of paper towel is facing the wrong way it needs to be turned or the dispenser will simply jam again.

Lately it has been frequently necessary to open the dispensers, clear the jam and turn the roll of paper towel to feed in the correct direction.

I hear you thinking “they probably haven’t trained the person who had to replace the empty roll”.

You are right, there is no training on how to change the rool of paper towel in the dispenser.

For a very good reason.

When you open the dispenser, remove the cardboard center of the empty roll and go to put the new roll in, this is what you see:

When you put the new roll of paper towel into the dispenser the instructions are right in your face and in clear, straightforward diagrams. How can you not see the instructions?

Have the members of our society spent so much time in wilful denial, refusing to see, hear or listen to anything they don’t want to know about or think about that we can no longer see the reality right in front of us, right under our noses?  

Stardate:        91009.82

 

Sol III Date:   28/05/2013/09:46

From Our

                               

Files

“We all go. Why not enjoy the go?”

Is Proctor & Gamble’s less than charming advertising campaign to get consumers buying P & G’s Charmin brand of toilet paper.

If the fact there is a “We all go. Why not enjoy the go?” has not caused your brain to explode, here are some mind boggling facts from the “We all go. Why not enjoy the go?” website. 

2006: The Charmin Restrooms opened in Times Square, offering daily visitors free public restrooms during the busy shopping season from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Eve.

2010: The Charmin New York City Restrooms reached 1.5 million visitors! The Charmin Restrooms had more visitors from 2006 through 2010 than the Empire State Building!

A 27-room traveling bathroom facility was a welcome addition to 15 state fairs across the country where the Charmin Bear entertained long lines of fair-goers with an unforgettable Potty Dance.

There is a mobile app to help consumers find clean, comfortable restrooms on the go.

Advertising how soft toilet paper is [“Please, don’t squeeze the Charmin”] makes sense since you don’t want to be using sandpaper on ones waste removal orifice.

But “Why not enjoy the go”?

Do Proctor & Gamble executives really think people are dumb enough to buy into, believe, that buying Charmin will make them “enjoy the go”?

Have we become such metal zombies that an advertising campaign based on a crappy concept such as “enjoy’ the go will have people  shuffling off to buy Charmin toilet paper?

Do bears shit in the Woods?